“Cooking is like making love, you do it well, or you do not do it at all” -Harriet van Horne

It was a perfect day… mostly sunny, high in the mid 70s or so. Better Half had found the ham on sale and made the purchase just for this purpose.

Normally, Hickory would have been the primary wood of choice. It is unmatched for its heat utility and is the master of flavor tradition. But, as it happened on this occasion, there was no Hickory. Just Pecan and Mesquite.

So… shoot me. We smoked anyway.

Pecan is (in our opinion) equal to that of Apple when cooking things like beefsteaks (of course) and brisket. Done right, the pecan-cooked slab will have a slightly blackened-crispy edge while the inner meat is easily done to whatever you idea of perfection may be. The resulting meal can lead to an addiction to both the substance and the cooking process.

Anyway, we were going to have to make do cooking this large ham with what was on hand.

Our Char Griller ® grill is designed to accept a smoker box on one end but… previous experiments had shown that this marvel of design could still be quickly converted less that adornment. The beauty with this cooker is much more than skin deep. First, the 4-piece cast iron grates make for easy fire tending. Second, those same iron grates cook evenly and do not warp when the heat is applied. Thirdly, because the cooking surface is in four parts, you can mix & match them as needed to make the conversion from griller to smoker.

Oh how I love my Char Griller grill!

The picture here shows how it was set up.

Two grates were set on the left, under the chimney, which would hold the ham. Underneath, a moisture reservoir (contents classified) was placed to keep the meat from drying out and too, act as a drip pan. On the right end, the other two grates are removed and the fire built next to the air intake vent.

Now, as many will tell you, a properly smoked ham is a labor of time and love. But while we had an abundance of the latter, we had only about six hours of the former. Temperature, reservoir and fire would have to be maintained (read: lovingly nursed) for that sum of time to make sure that our meat was both tasty and done properly.

One trick to this is to use a little charcoal to bed your wood in for the initial firing. They act as an artificial ember base to assure that the hard wood catches evenly. Once spent, they turn to fine ash and fall away under the fire grate, replaced by the real deal.

Well, to make the longer story a little more digestible, we maintained a fairly steady 300-325 degree inside temperature while tending the wood at 90 minute intervals. At the 5:45 mark, we applied a meat thermometer and found we had a nearly perfect 165-degree core temperature. And after removing the ham to wrap and rest a spell, we took the rind and crisped it for our canine helpers who were very eager to sample the treasure they had guarded so vigilantly throughout day.

Oh, and besides mentioning just how good the ham finally was on the plate… it should be noted that pecan smoke WILL stick to you like ticks on a hound. In fact, unless you really work at it under a full-force shower with granny’s best lye soap, you will probably take the aromatic memory of the day’s experience with you to bed that night.

 
* * *

“Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.” -Jimmy Durante

Today’s sampling of stories from the web could be titled,‘Back from the future’. For better or for worse, that does look like the direction we’re taking.

First, the good…

Today’s hard times are tailor-made for layaway.

Born during the Great Depression, layaway is a system where a merchant holds an item, usually for a small fee and deposit, until the consumer finishes making installment payments.

Layaway largely vanished during the 1980s with the onslaught of consumer credit cards, which allowed shoppers to bring home their treasures before paying for them in full.

“Layaway was popular 30 years ago, before the credit card companies sent out cards to everyone. If you lived in a homeless shelter, you got like seven cards,” says retail consultant Howard Davidowitz, chairman of Davidowitz & Associates.

From “Layaway makes a comeback”
- Bankrate.com – undated

According to a number of articles, retailers are rediscovering layaway as a means to tap shoppers who have either fallen upon hard times or just prefer to avoid loading a ton of debt onto their plastic.

Here are a few of those stores now offering layaway. It is by no means a wholly comprehensive listing but… you will still note the absence of Wal-mart. Apparently, they don’t need this particular segment of the consuming public…

* Burlington Coat Factory.
* Kmart.
* Marshalls.
* Sears.
* T.J. Maxx.
* Toys R Us.

Well, that’s the good part.

Here’s the bad.

The internet chapter of the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement, a secret copyright treaty whose text Obama’s administration refused to disclose due to “national security” concerns, has leaked. It’s bad.

From “Secret copyright treaty leaks. It’s bad. Very bad.”
- Boingboing – 3 November 2009

You’d do yourself a favor to read the rest of this brief article and then, take some time to research this subject. It does, in fact, look as though that the intent here is not merely to protect copyrighted material, but to cripple the internet as an interactive, two-way street.

Once this is all in place and we, the users, properly restrained… there will be little difference between your computer and a plain old television set. You’ll be able to look… watch commercials and get some minor bit of information, entertainment, etc.

But, not much else.

 
* * *

“There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.” -Elizabeth Lawrence

Pretty much as a rule, we just don’t see a lot of trick-or-treaters here on Halloween. Over the years we have lived in this spot, we may have had, all told, 7 or 8 candy snatchers. But still, we do usually have at least a few pieces of candy in a stand-by bowl, just in case, and this year it paid off.

The time was right around 7:30pm and yours truly was in a cranky mood after watching UGA get mauled by a gang of Florida lizards. In other words, I was not to be good company. But there a mood swing in my future and it was just around the corner.

It was our pet poodle that was the first to sound the alarm, barking in a way that most often means someone is about 10 seconds from knocking on the door. And knowing that his keen hearing could probably pick up the sound of a passing cloud, I just naturally began stomping off for the front door.

A few steps and a couple of grumbles into the trip, I noticed that a few other family members had picked up on the canine alert system and were responding same as myself. And upon opening the door, it all became quite apparent that there would be goodies handed out in 2009.

There before us were three wonderfully costumed munchkins happily shouting ‘Trick or Treat!’

The first one in line was made up in a little fairy costume. The second was, from what we were told, an X-Men wolverine. But it was the third, who stood back away from the others, that really grabbed our attention. She was made up as a nurse, with all the proper attire including stethoscope and toy thermometer. 

‘She’s a nurse and will help you get better if you’re sick’ said the fairy.

‘Oh, well no one here is sick right now.’ I said. ‘But you can still have some candy’.

The little healthcare worker approached and accepted the donation into her play medical bag but before turning to leave, she offered this. ‘Don’t get the flu because I don’t have any ‘vatseen’ to give you.’

We all about fell over and Mom, who now stepped forward, looked embarrassed as she thanked us and led her little troop down the steps.

Standing in awe of the moment… and trying to hide the smile that was demanding release, my only comment was, ‘Out of the mouths of babes.’

 

 
* * *

“The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress.” - Frederick Douglass

- Dem Bones -

Most communities with a sense of decency and no large sum of expense, can manage to throw together some kind of animal shelter. With nothing more than a slab of cement, some cinder blocks, a little cyclone fencing and tin roofing, these kinds of structures can be erected and maintained without breaking anyone’s budget or imposing a heavy burden on the taxpayer.

I mean, it’s not like the strays that end up there are eating better than the prisoners in the county lock-up… and sanitation can generally be performed with nothing more than a garden hose!

A partnership between Russell County and Phenix City that led to the opening of a new animal shelter last week may be in jeopardy over a $25,000 payment dispute.

In a letter dated Oct. 22 from City Attorney James Graham Jr., the city has proposed to sever all ties with the county because of an alleged breach of contract.

From “City wants out of animal shelter deal because of disputed billing”
- Columbus Ledger-Enquirer (website) – 25 October 2009

So, why is it that Phenix City and Russell County have such a problem? Why can’t these two bloated, devout bureaucracies manage something as simple as a freakin’ dog pound?

And… what in the heck are we paying them for anyway?
. . . - - - . . .

 

- Deadlocked or just brain dead? -

For those who may have missed the headlines, there was a 91 year-old woman who was recently raped. Moreover, the perp took the stand himself and… from what we could gather from the local news videos of the trial, claimed that the act was consensual, if not even brought on by that 91 year old woman.

Excuse me?

Well, somehow, someway, the jury totally fumbled and was left unable to reach a verdict.

Now, if you can imagine the utter absurdity of the defense and the surety of the evidence against the accused, you will then wonder just what in the hell happened in the jury room…

The jury chairman told Judge John V. Denson II shortly before 5 p.m. that further deliberations would not help the group to reach an unanimous decision. Denson said he was “disappointed” the jury was unable to reach a verdict.

From “Jury unable to reach verdict in rape case”
- Opelika-Auburn News (website) - 23 October 2009

One really eye opening part of this story comes via a brief reader comment on the same O-A News webpage…

I want to say that I WAS one of the jurors on this rape case. People on the outside don’t understand why our jury was deadlocked. The assistant DA did a fine job of presenting the case. A couple of the jurors felt they could not send a man to prison unless they were 100% certain he was guilty. I understand their feelings and they really should not have been on the jury. They were not open to having their opinion swayed either. It is really a shame because the defendant made a fool of himself on the stand. I feel so bad for this woman to have to go through this again.

In our opinion, this is yet another indignation upon that poor old lady… to have first suffered the attack but now also to have the system so horribly fail her that she will be forced to relive the entire ordeal once more as they try and put her attacker away.
___/|\___

 

- Rock & Hole? -

This story is not quite breaking (yet) as it can only be found in a few limited locations. But for those interested in fiery things that fall from the sky and leave big holes in the ground…

 

[A] Large meteorite fell on a field near a small town in Latvia, creating a 20-meter crater. Nobody was hurt. Local farmers called 911 to let them know about “the flying fire.” Scientists, dispatched to the scene, removed the meteorite to determine its composition.

From “Meteorite Strikes Latvia; World Continues To Ignore This Country”
- readrussia.com – undated

 

 

The story and image are not terribly impressive but when you factor in the following video, purportedly taken shortly after the moment of impact…

And to think that some people pay good money to have a hole like that dug for a septic tank.

—|—|—|—|—

 

 
* * *

“More persons, on the whole, are humbugged by believing in nothing, than by believing too much” -P.T. Barnum

Perhaps now more than anytime in recent history, the subject of ghosts and hauntings have become a popular, national pastime.

From primetime TV programs like ‘Ghost Hunters’ to viral photos and videos on the internet, it seems that everyone is a ghost buster these days. But if you ask, most will issue and immediate denial of actual belief. There’s just no such thing as ghosts… even though just as many will quickly proclaim a belief in life after death.

The contradiction is apparently a matter of simple approach. Eternal life is, after all, one of the basic tenets of most modern religions. We will accept that the soul survives physical death but… not in the sense that it loiters around to scare children on Halloween.

Boo?

This morning’s news program on local TV station, WTVM, was plugging heavily for ghost tours at the Port Columbus Civil War Naval Museum…

* Sea Ghosts: Night Tours of Haunted Port Columbus

Experience a spooky nighttime tour based on recent findings by the
Alabama Paranormal Research Team!

By reservation only - space is limited!
Thursdays, October 8, 22, 29.
8:00 and 9:00 p.m.
$10 per person.

The whole thing walks a fine line because there can be no doubt that the Port Columbus folks understand that most of their patrons will see this as more a $10 amusement park ride than a serious attempt at paranormal research.

One step further, one has to wonder whether that Alabama Paranormal Research Team are genuine researchers or just another PT Barnum road show who were hired to make sure that visitors were properly spooked.

On one side of that fine line is the carnival sideshow atmosphere that most serious paranormal research organizations disavow with a vengeance.

On the other, is… well, whatever you don’t immediately notice that may or may not have already noticed you.

What do you believe?

Well, in the off chance that ghosts do exists and are hanging out at the Port Columbus facility, one might wonder how they feel being the star attractions of a Halloween ghost tour?

Are they like making anything even close to… um, a living wage?

 

 

* * *

“Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.” -Leonardo da Vinci

Anytime there is a need or even just a trend that has spread to include so many people from so much of the world; you will begin to see the results of human ingenuity in the form novelty and invention.

One such trend today is the so-called ‘green’ movement. At times, it can all seem rather silly but in others, you may find some… at the very least, interesting ideas that might have been worth consideration even without the attached fad.

Here are a few that are currently making the rounds as found at the UK’s Daily Mail.

Excerpt:

Future cooks will use an indoor biosphere which grows vegetables and fish ready to be prepared with absolute freshness.

It sounds like the stuff of science fiction, but this sort of technology is already under development to help households take the pain out of going green.

But perhaps most dramatic is the self-contained biosphere farm, created by Philips, to provide fish and fresh produce 52 weeks a year.

…
Elsewhere in the house, showers will filter waste water through a bed of reeds, allowing it to be reused to flush the lavatory or even make a cup of tea using, of course, a low-energy kettle.

You can click the image to read the whole article. A full copy & paste URL is below:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1219701/The-DIY-fish-supper-Future-kitchen-grows-vegetables-seafood.html

Personally, I kind of like the marshy look of the shower stall… but around these parts, you may do well to check for gators and moccasins before loading up to wash your hair.

* * *

“It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.” -Oscar Wilde

As anyone who has read this journal more than once will have noted, I am a big football fanatic. In particular, I am an avid follower of both the UGA Bulldogs in the SEC and the Atlanta Falcons of the NFL.

But there are times when, after a lifetime of subsisting on this sport, I do wish that there could be… call it, an unlikely sprucing-up of the terminology and names…

Here’s a report sampling that you will probably never find wafting across your ears from ESPN, or any other sports network…

Intro: This is ESPN Football Weekly, with Tom Tonguespite and Harvey Hardly!

Tom: ‘It’s week 3 of the IFL season and what a season it is already shaping up to be!’

Harvey: ‘That’s right, Tom. In week two, last year’s champion Bigotsville Wife Beaters, appear poised already to repeat last year’s performance…

(Cue to video clip of previous year’s championship game…)

Voiceover: In the 2008 IFL Championship contest, the Wifebeaters had the Harlotsburg Stink Bugs by the throat, compiling over 500 yards of offensive power and owning the clock with 37:44 in possession time.

The final score, Wifebeaters 38, Stink Bugs 9.

Tom: Wow! And to think that this year, they have returned their entire starting lineup too!

Harvey: But just across Lake Tepid, there’s a new challenger and they don’t feel a bit intimidated by those Wife Beaters…

(Cue to video clip…)

Voiceover: In 2008, the Joesville Tailgaters were on a quest. And though their campaign fell short in the opening round of the playoffs, losing to Gainsberg Genocide, they enter 2009 expecting a far different result.

Harvey: Already this year, the Tailgaters have knocked off Billiton Biting Flys and Headaches of North Nowhere. In two weeks week, they go to Beckington to play the Toe Fungus, which should be the test of just how far they have come since last year.

Tom: In the IFL West, the Angry Morons and the Back Stabbers have a date with destiny. Morons’ QB Drew Wind has already racked up over a thousand yard in passing in just two games! But the Stabbers have their own secret weapon in Bubba Slurp, who is the IFL all-time sack leader.

Harvey: Just incredible numbers.

Tom: Just incredible.

Harvey: I said that, Tom.

Tom: Really? That’s just incredible, Harv…

Harvey: Here’s ESPN’s ‘Expert’ picks for this week’s games…

• Cockroaches over the Diarrhea
• Tailgaters over the Mad Muthas
• Toe Fungus over the Headaches
• Angry Morons over the Biting Flys
• Back Stabbers over the Stink Bugs
• Genocide over the Wife Beaterz

(Cue: Network theme music)

Voiceover: Join us next week for ESPN Football Weekly, with Tom Tonguespite and Harvey Hardly.

 
…

“The most tragic thing in the world is a man of genius who is not a man of honor” -George Bernard Shaw

I really do dislike my species sometimes.

An Italian scientist says he has reproduced the Shroud of Turin, a feat that he says proves definitively that the linen some Christians revere as Jesus Christ’s burial cloth is a medieval fake.
…

“We have shown that is possible to reproduce something which has the same characteristics as the Shroud,” Luigi Garlaschelli, who is due to illustrate the results at a conference on the para-normal this weekend in northern Italy, said on Monday.

From “Italian scientist reproduces Shroud of Turin”
- Reuters - 5 October 2009

See what I mean? Just how arrogant is that?

You see the same kind of thing all across the web these days. Remember that picture of the crasher squirrel that jumped in front of the camera? Well, because there are so many photo desk’perts out there with their spiffy copy of Photoshop, there is the instant assumption that any unique picture at all is automatically a contrived fake.

It is first a puerile display of jealousy and spite that says ‘anything you can do, I can do too’. It is also, from the outset, designed to enforce a negative; to prove that something is NOT real or that something does NOT exist. And because there is an article of faith at stake here, there should be no mistake in the intent; it is to one-up God, not man.

And finally, there is the issue of belief. Does the ability to reproduce something lesson the value of that belief?

Like I said, there are times, such as this, when I want to pull the window shade on humanity and say… I don’t know these guys.

 
* * *

“Nothing in the world is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet when it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it, because they have no way to change it. So the flexible overcome the adamant, the yielding overcome the forceful. Everyone knows this, but no one can do it.” -Lao Tzu

During that recent drought of 2007… the one that had threatened to see Lake Lanier go dry and so too, much of Atlanta, there was an article in the AJC that suggested that the water shortage issue was being played lightly down our way. It was written up like those of us here, below Atlanta, were getting all the H2O that they weren’t and that water sports were a popular local pastime.  (NOTE: The original AJC story will no longer open/display, but a good blog reference to it can be found here, at Planetizen)

Since that time of shortage, the rains have returned… but not before water rates all across this region, rather conveniently, went up anywhere between 10 and 50 percent. We get our water from Smiths Station and they will tell you flat out that they are charging more, though they often come up a little short on explaining exactly why.

Well, it may be because we are getting a little more than just water from our neighbors to the north…

The floodwaters have receded all along the river corridor, but state and federal officials say it will be weeks before waterways are free of sewage and sediment.

Sally Bethea with the Upper Chattahoochee Riverkeeper environmental group says federal officials tested the river in Atlanta and found the E. coli bacteria level was 42 times greater than the highest safe level.
…

Usually, the high E. coli comes from animal sources, Turner said, but added that this event did include the failure of several sewage treatment plants in the metro Atlanta area, which poses different issues.

From “Billy Turner advises all to stay out of water”
- Columbus Ledger-Enquirer – 29 September 2009 (*Registration may be required)

On a recent excursion to the area of Lake Harding/Goat Rock, we noted the pungent odor before even reaching the over-flowing banks of the river. One guy who was coming in on small boat told us that his fishing line became almost immediately fouled with a black sludge… and didn’t even want to see what his little trawling motor looked like.

He was also pretty sure what it was, too… though we won’t repeat his vivid (and likely correct) description of the substance.

Further on down the trail, we stopped for a bite of lunch at a small café on the far side of Long Bridge. The deck that overlooks the water was a favorite of ours but the aroma wafting off the waves was almost unbearable. We sat inside.

After reading the above noted L-E article, it finally dawned upon us that what we are likely witnessing here, could be a sort of pro-active, ecological initiative.

That’s right; Atlanta… a city with a history of ongoing systemic sewage treatment failures, has decided to let us, downstream, do the work of cleaning up their septic woes. And you know what? Scrubbing Bubbles don’t work cheap… so there’s why your water rates have grown large enough to challenge your monthly Alabama/Georgia Power bill for checkbook supremacy.

So, in a queer, twisted sort of way… that old AJC article was right. Not that we take our water use lightly but rather, we do get a lot of things that they don’t. We get their sewage; we get to see it, smell it and clean it at our own expense.

Thank you to the AJC, for your peculiar brand of responsible journalism; basically lying to everyone who read that story back in late 2007.

Thank you to Atlanta, for your wonderful imitation of Love Canal… and that funny taste in our morning coffee.

 
* * *

“Paranoia will get you through times of no problems better than problems will get you through times of no paranoia” -Pete Granger

Tybee Island is located along the Georgia’s coast, proximate to Savannah. Over a period of years, between 1966 and 1980, I had spent time there as both casual visitor and fulltime resident. It is… or at least, was, a very nice community not so unlike most any other small town except that it has that singular feature called a ‘beach’.

 During the fall and winter months, mostly the latter, tides along the coast can be a little on the extreme side. The large parking area that faces, parallels and sits directly adjacent to that beach was quite often inundated with sand and waves. The scene was similar to that you might find today at Phenix City’s amphitheater/riverwalk area, with water lapping up over parts that would otherwise be used by the local population for walking and parking.

If you want to test your logic, go stand on the river bank, looking east towards Columbus and imagined the ‘Hooch’ extending as far as the eye can see. Congratulations! You now have a working theory of what it is like to stand looking out over the Atlantic ocean. For those who live around large bodies of water, a little flooding is no big event… and governments don’t start barricading access points.

All the paranoia is just unnecessary.

It is, after all, just water and with only the slimmest sum of common sense, you won’t even get wet, much less be carried away to drown in the muddy soup flowing in from Atlanta. But… noting who it was on TV last night, informing the public that the Dillingham Bridge was closing, we shouldn’t be too surprised. In point of fact, I guess it’s just a wonder that old ‘Boss’ Hugley didn’t break out paint and paintbrush to mark protective lines… to keep the public safe.

Angels and ministers of grace [and city managers] defend us!

Oh, and as far as the excuse that it was not that old, old bridge but rather, people stopping on it to take pictures, that caused the closing?

Well, you believe what you want to.

 
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